My husband is #1 to me...and weight loss dribble!

Okay, I am trying so very hard to lose weight and get in shape for all the obvious reasons...energy, appearance, initiate better health, play with the grand-kids, step-kids and hyper-active husband, be more comfortable, wear attractive clothes instead of clothes that hide my chubbiness, sleep better.....

But if you are on a fitness program do NOT stop if you can help it. It is so much harder to start when out of shape.

My girlfriend, Victorian, suggested we join a gym together. We would do a BodyPump class on M-W-F, and on T & TH we would do a routine with the machines and floor exercises. We signed up this last Tues. I felt okay until today. Everything ached and I am the fattest one in the class. I weighed in at 213. This was so disheartening to me to find out that this is what I weigh. This, after trying very hard to cut back and try to be a little more active.

I called Milo on the way home so sad that I physically felt so bad. I cried to him about being the biggest one in the room. He said, (pay attention husbands) "Yeah, but I bet you were the most beautiful". If he had not been however far away I could have kissed him. I was feeling very ugly. I am getting weepy here just recalling it.

I just could not believe my eyes whenever I looked at my "stature and form" in the mirrors. She'd say to make sure we were holding ourselves just right by checking it in the mirror. I was having a hard enough time DURING THE CLASS not to cry whenever I would look at my body in the morror. (BTW crying, to me, is synonymous with menopause, though I am better than I was).

I am so ashamed that I have let myself down this much. I was afraid of re-injuring my back and neck. With good reason too, I often have extreme pain in my back and neck still whenever I have to do anything strenuous. I have arthritis so bad in my joints some days it is unbearable to move.

But, alas, I am sick of my excuse-making and dead or alive I am committing to doing this.

No longer am I going to play that crazy-mental mind game of "what I used to be, look like, and do".

I am only halfway through with my life and there is so much more I want to do with it.